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I unfortunately hurt a friend ...

Hey, you! 😊

My therapist once said to me, "The biggest problem is, we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply."

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a post (click here to read it) about work and in my way of putting words to my pain, I unfortunately hurt a friend. It was unintentional that's for sure. But I also feel torn because as much as I hate having hurt a friend, I don't regret writing that post. I was feeling hurt and I can't brush that away or apologize for it.

And then I thought about what my therapist said to me all those weeks ago and something clicked within me.

Adult friendships are so hard. That isn't to say that it's hard to meet people. It's not. I meet new people all the time, but 95% of the time they never become friends. It could be anything - lack of time, lack of effort, not having anything in common, just to name a few. So it rarely ever leads anywhere.

And when that 5% does lead to a friendship, it is maintaining it that becomes tricky.

Our priorities are so much different at age 40 than at 14. So any friendship I make as an adult is special to me, just as much as my childhood friends are. I have to admit though that my childhood friendships are easier to manage because of the strong base we have.

But let's get back to the subject ...

As I walked in the streets to meet up with my friend so we could talk about that post, I was reminded of what my therapist had told me. If I wanted our friendship to go through this, I needed to understand and be understood. We needed to understand each other. And I'm so glad that we were able to do that.

So as much as I can't apologize for that post, I do apologize for causing her pain. It wasn't meant to hurt her. And I never meant to mix things up. I will always cherish the 10 years we worked together and supported each other. She always had my back and I tried to do the same for her.

The truth is, I don't blame my former employer either. If there's someone I want to blame, it would be me. For putting myself in that position of feeling hurt. I never want to feel the way I did again and that's my lesson learned.

xoxo Elodie

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